Sorrow Sings ‘Love’ by teperz

Your intoxicated tone
Sings seductively
As we whisper our secrets
In hopes the world doesn’t know

We shy away from reaching
Down our heart’s throats
But that’s when we hold our lungs
As soon as well let go

Your voice runs silent
For what feels like an age has passed
Twilight hour brings me to you again
You come strolling back again
With her soul plastered to the sheets
You continue to whisper these
Hushed secrets to me

Miles between us
The land is dark
The air is cold and quiet
Like the heart within
You made your choice
But are too numb to understand

Leading me like a horse in the paster
I follow you
Because you sing the truth
The words of sorrow tell me how it is
They tell me that pain understands
It takes me to another place in the world

But your hushed voice brings me back
As soon as you speak my name
I land on earth again
My hooves feel the earth again

Because its your intoxicated tone
that sings seductively
As we whisper our secrets
In hopes the world doesn’t know

Remember The Good Times

You’re like a tide that never seems to leave the harbor

It’s almost like your stale waters enjoy the taste of the same reflections

I only wish to see your waves, to understand the concept of leaving

and coming back different or new again.

You’re these visions, this darkness I feel

I can’t help but think that this reality isn’t real

Because each time I try to smile

I see all the pain again after having been gone for a while

You’re the blanket I’ve held since I was young

The same cold fabric that smells of incense and lavender

I just adore wrapping myself up with you all around me

I feel as though all the danger and tragedy in the world can’t

get to me because I’ve buried myself in all your comfort and glory

I always think about the times you made me smile,

surprising me with the sweetness we shared pretty much every night

But I also think about all the sadness inside

The crazy, the insane, the images of what never seemed to go away

I can’t help but think it was meant to end up this way

And now when I bury myself under my blanket I can still hear,

feel, and see the tragedy

Because it’s not just around me, but it’s inside,

it’s within everything that makes me who I am

No matter how much I try to feel the warmth of the sun on my face

No matter how much I want you to smile and tell me all that you hold dear

No matter how much I need to hear the words and laughter of joy

I can’t help but wonder, why I’m here

Why is it I feel all the pain others are going through?

Why is it I look at the world so differently?

I just miss not having a care in the world, I miss the stale waters of what I thought was joy, I miss the comfort of you as my blanket — holding me until my nightmares disappeared into the darkness.  You took my breath away, as if I didn’t need oxygen to survive, it was you who gave me the air, the space to breathe again, to feel again, to dream again.  

I’m sorry for all the pain I put you through, I only wish you the greatest joy in the world.  And when tragedy hits, remember the grass and sun from your childhood mind, remember the chocolate filled evenings and the laughter of all those around you, remember the feeling you get when you go down a roller coaster drop, remember the good times. 

But don’t forget the bad, because if there were never bad days, how could you tell what a good day was even if it hit you between the eyes?

“Under The Surface”

Skin
It holds you together
Well, so I thought
Because it seems
My mind runs wild

This skin I’m living in
Is ugly
My bones and shape
Helps define beauty
But my skin
Is the curse I bare

I suffer itch and pain
I suffer the scars
That will always stay
I suffer this every day

But no one can see them
Because I bury myself
Underneath endless layers

No one must see
This curse I bare
With me

No one can touch me
Without causing me
Discomfort
No one can hold me
Without causing me
Pain

I just want to feel
The love and trust
With someone
By showing them
My curse
But only for them to
Love me truly

Even with all the money
In the world
Nothing can change
My skin

But it’s what
Lies beneath
What is under
The surface
That’s what
Needs to
Change

“Fear” (spokenword)

At night
Night is the time I choose to let my fears go, but it’s the time when I remember the bad ones.

The fears that ripped away my soul, the fears that held the darkness above me like the winter rain clouds that never went away. Because these rain clouds weren’t just above me, they were beside me, they were within me, they were sitting across from me waiting to shove their rumors down my throat in disguise of my best friend, the fears were trembling down a spiral staircase hoping to find the end.

When the female who gave birth to me ignored my cries I grew silent with the fear of knowing that her love was never there. This fear stemmed from memories of my father’s mother screaming in his face about all his failures, this fear grew from the puddles of melancholia not knowing if my other birth sibling were even alive.

Being adopted by the strong woman full of beauty and courage gave me a new found hope, and seeing in her eyes how tired she is, she keeps going. Alone, raising four kids and not even knowing how to be sure of anything yet still giving us as many answers as there are questions.

I still have fear, we all do, and this fear isn’t just inside of me, but it’s for you. For the ones who don’t have this kind of love whether if it has the face of your grandmother or the warm embrace of your brothers. I have some fear for those who feel alone because I know what it feels like when you refuse to step upon society's pedestal each time they ask you “what do you want to be?” they aren’t asking you, they’re hoping to hear the answer they picked out before you were even born.

At night I lay down with my tea knowing everything will be okay because my mind and my voice was finally set free!

~ teperz : august 2014

Humanity - 6/23/2014

Feel free to voice your opinions by messaging me.

“One two three

I cannot seem to see

the roses of red

or violets of blue

because the ocean

isn’t within me or you

we cannot trap ourselves in vain

but we can all cause a little pain

each choice is different

each word is ours

we know not what they’ve done

but what’s within our power

we can turn the music loud

we can raise our throats

but nothing will change

with "peace” on our totes

the earth is our home

nothing more nothing less

she gives us life

let her rest

I see her skin

and I see the wounds

I feel her sadness

I know you do too

the way we live is simple

laid back and easy

but I am not so sure

she would find this very peachy

so don’t take from her tree

give her the water she needs

don’t dig up her soil

to find a gallon more of oil

we all know we’re running out of room

because we’ve come to believing

making babies is what families do

others out there are but to plead

only to be rejected
until their hearts bleed

dying of rejection

or dying without food

this is something we all can change

if all we do is change the mood

family is not about skin

family is not about DNA

family is about love now

and apple pie anyway

take her in

or welcome him

to the family

of grace and loving

they may not be blood

but this will do

for as long as we’re always family

I am glad to have you..“

Oblivion

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about you,
But it’s not the days that I long for,
It’s the nights that make my heart sore.

I wish the stars could pour like rain
Into the obis of my brain
While I get lost in the night of oblivion.

I create an image of who you are,
When what you are shows so clearly.
I guess my foggy window won’t change,
It’s the chemicals of balance I need to fix.
Before I ever decide to once again kiss your lips.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about you
But it’s not the days that I long for..

earl grey tea by teperz rae

I wish that time was as simple as tea,

because every moment I take a sip

I want you next to me,

but you’re gone, buried deep within that screen,

yet with each puff your eyes glaze over and see,

not me but another me, an image of someone or something you created,

a creation of perfection, someone who will always love,

the cuddles, the giggles and the beers,

someone who will endlessly hold you,

but never lay her head on your chest,

not because you’re afraid of heartache but because the physical pain is too much to bare

or is the trust as bare as your naked skin?

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I know mine is, my trust is open and heavy,

my trust is a boiling pot of Earl Grey sitting on the stove screaming

for someone to take her away..

My skin crawls with sadness and is scared with infection,

the infection of being sensitive the infection of sadness..

Some days I cannot wait to let my wings grasp the air,

holding each cloud with the locks of my hair,

chasing something that may not even be there,

because love won’t ever be there..

Other days I wish that time would stand as still as a frozen Maple Tree,

hoping that even though time is dead cold the tree will share her sunlight,

shining through our bodies as we lay tangled like knots in each others arms,

sleeping..we’ll forever be sleeping..

       ***          ***          ***          ***          ***          ***          ***          ***

Going back home to be greeted with smiles, laughter and happy tears,

but its the pain of my eyes full of the dry fears I can never tame,

I can only wish for the sun to shine to go back to those happier days,

but knowing you’re in another place, it won’t ever make drinking tea the same..